Do you feel this?

Do you feel this?

As we talked through the day,

about our ambitions

and dreams that never sway. 

Do you feel this?

When it all collapsed?

When I was the one 

who kept you intact.

Do you feel this?

When you're lost and you're tired,

that in every waking hour

you lose a bit to the darkness

But do you feel it?

I'm slipping away.

Because of all those times

you didnt do what you say.

I'm getting tired

because the emptiness

is beginning

To creep up on me

And it's pretty agonizing.

And I feel it.

I'm slipping

Giving in to fate. 

Feelings.

I have never felt so confused in my entire life.

I have been trying to figure out, how do you know if you really love someone? Butterflies fluttering in your stomach? Getting caught at your throat when you talk to him/her? I honestly do not know.

I have been convinced by myself that the person I like is person A, not person B. But I keep finding myself doing stuff for person B unintentionally. Like everytime I do something for someone, for example write a card for any weird reasons, I find myself writing one for person B as well. I do stuff willingly just to please person B. I am so scared that I will piss person B off that I never want to tell him that he is doing something wrong. I just can't.

To me, he has become such an important part of me that I have to hide what I feel for him, just so we can be purely friends as he is attached. I simply can't leave him alone.

And no matter how much he hurts me, no matter how much he stops caring for me, I just can't find it in myself to stop caring for him. I just can't find it in myself to leave him alone especially after all that he has been through. There are so many people around him honestly, but the thing is he says they are all unreal. 

I wonder if that's what he thinks of me too.

I thought I got over my infatuation for him. Apparently not.