I can never relax from anything nowadays. Stress just keeps building up. From, netball to acadamics to family to friends and finally to guys. It's hard to keep up. I can't remember the last time i had a good night rest. A night when I just enjoy the silence that nature provides. Instead, all I hear is noises. Just by my ear, cranking up. Noises of other people's voice. Noises of people's judgement. There might be silence, but silence of discomfort. Awkwardness.
Even with people I'm absolutely comfortable with, there ain't going to be absolute comfort. I've to put my guards up 24/7. No rest. Guarding against anyone and everyone.
Have you ever had the feeling when you feel like the closest people in your life are about to leave you? I've had it only a million times. It then resulted to distrust in everyone. Every sheet of paper has two sides, someone said, so when one side is dirty, flip to the other side. But what if both sides have so many scars you can't even see what you wrote on it to keep going.
at this point in time, I feel like I can't trust someone too much because when they get me, they are going to throw me away. Just like how everyone else did.
"only you can control your future"
-Dr Seuss
Is it true? In our society of dishonesty, disloyalty, lack of sympathy, lack of love. Do you think you can solely, on your own, control your future?
I don't think so.
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